Not Afraid Read online

  “I grew the rhubarb in my pie myself!”

  Raleigh rolled his eyes, and as soon as both women were knee-deep in trading insults, he snuck out of there as fast as possible. There was nothing scarier than two country women going after a blue ribbon.

  The whole park in the center of town had been transformed to honor the men and women who’d fought in the armed services. There were red, white, and blue bunting all over the place, and the local high school band had set up around the gazebo to play patriotic song after patriotic song. Some of the music was even in tune too. He’d never been in band, so he’d never had the honor of playing at the picnic, but he imagined it was hot sitting in their wool uniforms under the blazing sun.

  There were tents hosting all types of vendors, mostly artistic people trying to sell things. Food trucks of every imaginable ethnicity catered to all types of palates. Far to the south side of the park were the alcohol tables, where most of the husbands sat while their wives looked at the art. And of course, there were people everywhere, mingling and having a good ole time. The Cherry Falls Memorial Day picnic drew people from all over the county, so there were a lot of people he didn’t know, and he kind of liked that.

  He walked through the crowds, using his instincts as he looked at each man to see if he got an interested, lingering look. It had been a few months since he’d made it into St. Louis, and his cock was begging in finding someone to have a little fun with. He’d been so caught up in trying to find Mr. Right Now that he hadn’t seen Augustus until he’d literally bounced off Gus’s hard body to land on his ass.

  As he shook his head to put his brains back in order, he’d heard a deep rumble of laughter and looked up to see Gus holding his hand out.

  “Should I call you Mr. Fantastic?” Gus asked with a chuckle.

  “Uh, who?” he asked as he grabbed hold of Gus’s hand to help him up. The tingle that scorched up his arm at the contact had his cock heating up with need. Slowly, reluctantly, he let go of Gus’s hand.

  “From the Fantastic Four,” Gus answered, losing all traces of amusement.

  Raleigh’s eyes widened as their gazes met, and he saw Gus’s gaze drop to his lips. Holy crap! Augustus Rains was looking at him like he wanted to kiss him. “Oh, right. I saw the movies.”

  He was standing really close to Gus, like almost chest to chest, and just that fast he lost his train of thought. He’d been fantasying about the man for so long, and there he was, standing in front of him, oozing masculinity like it was a pheromone. Raleigh couldn’t help but lick his lips.

  Something was blazing big time between them, because Gus’s body seemed to sway toward him, and all he thought about was tasting that chocolate skin and sucking on those puffy lips. But just before he did something really stupid—like jump into Gus’s arms and wrap his legs around him while shouting “Ride ’em, Cowboy!”—Mayor Bradley’s voice boomed over the strung-up PA system, causing Raleigh to jump.

  “Uh, what were we talking about?” Gus asked.

  Raleigh took a shaky breath and shook his head. “Haven’t a clue.”

  The band started again, trying to battle over the mayor’s impassioned speech while people surged forward, carrying precariously balanced fried food and potato salad on paper plates.

  “You wanna get a beer?”

  “At the beer tents?”

  “Actually, I was thinking about my place,” Gus said, pointing behind him, vaguely indicting toward his store. “I live above the hardware store.”

  “Oh. Sure. That’d be great.”

  And so he let Gus lead him from the picnic grounds and away from the festivities, with his heart pumping so fiercely in his chest he thought it would literally explode. Here he was, with his high school crush, the man who made his dick rock hard in seconds, leading him to his apartment. The memory of the one time he’d seen Gus naked in the shower slammed into his brain like a freight train, and his cock swelled painfully in his jeans.

  They walked side by side, the silence between them awkward and strained. Raleigh wasn’t sure if it was because they just realized the other one was gay or if it was because they’d known each other their whole lives. It wasn’t like they’d ever been friends or anything, although living in a small town meant they were bound as friendly acquaintances for infinity. But this… whatever was going to happen between them… would change everything.

  Gus led him to the back of the building and unlocked the door, which led to a flight of stairs. The apartment was surprisingly large, the windows on the street side allowing a ton of natural light inside. The furniture looked old, but it was in good shape. The living room opened to the kitchen, which had an island with barstools. There was a hallway, which Raleigh assumed led to the bedroom, and there was where his brain stayed. The bedroom… with a bed.

  “Here,” Gus said, startling him out of his daydream.

  Raleigh blinked and dragged his imagination out of the bedroom so he could focus on the beer bottle Gus held out to him. Raleigh took it and screwed off the lid before taking a big swallow. Man, he had needed that.

  Gus held out his hand.

  “What?” Raleigh asked, looking at that hand.

  “Touch me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’ve got to know if that spark out there was just a fluke or if it’s still there. I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

  “Yeah. Me neither.” He’d been dreaming of this moment for years, and his blood was pumping hot and heavy through his veins. He reached out, and even before he made contact with Gus’s dark skin, he felt the electricity arc between them. And when they actually touched, it was like lightening had struck.

  “Jesus,” Gus muttered, pulling back. He stared at Raleigh with wide eyes. “How is it I never knew you were gay?”

  “Maybe because I never knew you were gay either.”

  Gus grunted, which had a wealth of meaning in it. Raleigh felt like grunting. He took another sip of his beer, but it wasn’t beer he wanted to drink anymore. He wanted Gus, so he sat his beer on the kitchen island.

  Gus set his beer next to Raleigh’s bottle. “I want to kiss you.”

  “God, yes, please.”

  Gus gripped his upper arms and pulled him slowly toward him, as if giving Raleigh the chance to back away if he wanted, which he didn’t. No fucking way. He’d been fantasizing over this moment for most of his adolescence and throughout his twenties. And finally, Gus’s mouth was on his, melding their lips and slowly building the kiss into something magical.

  Their tongues met, danced, twining together to learn the feel and texture of each other. Gus grabbed Raleigh’s hips and pulled him as close as possible, their bodies fitting together like a glove. Raleigh moaned deep in his throat as he felt Gus’s hard cock pressing against his through their pants, and it made him salivate even more.

  When the kiss broke and each pulled back far enough to look at the other, Raleigh could see Gus was just as affected as he was.

  “Shit, Leigh,” Gus muttered. “Why haven’t we done this before?”

  “I saw you in high school,” he admitted, reaching up to lightly rub Gus’s beard. He loved the contrast between their skin colors.

  “What?”

  “You were in the shower, after gym, and I’ve wanted you ever since.”

  “Since high school? Damn. I wish you’d come up to talk to me.”

  “I didn’t even know you were gay.”

  “It’s been hell, a gay black man in Cherry Falls, Missouri.” He shook his head mournfully.

  “It’s been hell just being gay,” Raleigh agreed with him. “I’ve been heading to St. Louis whenever I could to find some occasional relief.”

  Gus took a fist full of his shirt and brought him in close. “From now on, you need relief, you come to me. Okay?”

  “You going to take care of my relief today, big guy?”

  “Oh yeah,” Gus said, his voice turning husky with arousal. “I’m going to fuck your tight ass, Ralei
gh Hewes. You think you can handle my big cock?”

  “I’ve been wanting your big cock for twelve years.”

  Gus groaned and slid his fingers into Raleigh’s hair to cup his nape and pull him in for another soul-deep kiss, and he became lost in the hot mouth dominating his. Oh yes, this was what he loved, what he craved. Gus slid his hand up Raleigh’s thigh to find and squeeze his cock though his pants. Raleigh gasped as Gus massaged the hardness before moving to the zipper. In a few seconds, his hand was sliding in. However, there wasn’t much room in the jeans, so Gus couldn’t do much. Raleigh shifted, trying to get closer, groaning in frustration when the denim didn’t give way. So Gus withdrew his hand to push the jeans down his hips.

  Raleigh wasn’t a small man by any means—working on a dairy farm had given him plenty of muscle—but Gus made him feel almost tiny in comparison. Gus worked his cock up and down, from the base to the tip. All he could do was hang on as Gus pumped his shaft, using his own precum as lube. It wasn’t enough, though, and the moisture soon turned slightly sticky. Gus groaned in protest and stopped his hand job, which in turn made Raleigh groan in protest.

  “Bedroom,” Gus said in a guttural tone.

  “Where?”

  To answer, Gus back-walked him down the hallway until they were in a bright room with a huge bed. He pushed Raleigh down on it and then did a strip tease, right there in the bright light of day, with all the blinds up. Inch by delicious inch was revealed, and Raleigh thought he’d died and gone to heaven. And when he was done removing his clothes, he got to work on Raleigh’s.

  First the shoes and socks, then the pants. Underwear. Gus was taking his sweet ole time, and it was driving him out of his mind. When he brought his cock out, Gus bent over and licked the shaft and head before swallowing him whole, right down to his balls.

  Holy fuck! The man could give porn stars some tips, because all Raleigh could do was hold on to the duvet under him and lose his mind. He felt Gus swallow, which caused a convulsion-type grip on his dick before relaxing. He’d never experienced anything quite like that and made a mental note to try it on Gus.

  And then, just as he got into a pumping rhythm, Gus stopped and pulled off.

  Raleigh groaned. “Oh man, I was almost there,” he gasped. His body was strung so tight he was waiting for the coil to snap.

  “When you come, I want to be buried in your ass,” Gus rumbled.

  “Shit yeah. Haven’t been taken too many times.”

  Gus looked at him in surprise. “You top?”

  “Most of the time I’m getting a quick blowjob in an alley behind some club. The few times it’s progressed to a bed, I’ve topped. I’ve only bottomed twice.”

  “Okay. Well, I suppose we could switch sometimes.”

  Raleigh raised his eyebrows. “You plan for us to be regular?”

  “You aren’t looking for regular?”

  “You better believe I am. The question is, are you?”

  Gus ran his hand up and down Raleigh’s chest. A trail of fire blazed all the way down, causing him to gasp and arch his back, seeking more. “Jesus, you’re so responsive,” Gus murmured. His dark eyes glittered like polished onyx. “Every time I touch you, my cock juts to attention, so yeah, I’m going to want you on a regular basis. Take your shirt off.”

  Raleigh crunched his ab muscles and grabbed the back of his T-shirt to bring it over his head. Gus helped him and then they were gloriously naked together, chest to chest, hip to hip. Gus lay on top of him, their bodies meshing together as if they were two halves come together in perfect unison.

  He rubbed against Gus, their cocks sliding together. “Yes,” Raleigh moaned. “Grind into me.”

  The sharp scent of sex rose in the air as juice leaked from each of their tips, making their slide slippery.

  “I want you,” Gus said softly into his ear.

  “Then take me.”

  Gus kissed him, then fucked his mouth with his tongue just like how he’d fuck his body. His body vibrated with need. He’d never been so turned on in his life. Gus pulled back far enough to turn him around and pull him to his knees, pushing his legs wide open. The position left his ass cheeks open, and cool air brushed over his hole. The drawer on the nightstand slid open and a second later, and a tube of lube and a condom landed on the bed. Then fingers went exploring just before a tongue touched his puckered rosette, licking and kissing the sensitive area, causing him to moan long and deep.

  “Fuck!” he gasped, closing his eyes. “That feels good.”

  Gus grabbed the lube and squirted some on his hole before inserting one finger. The burn was instant but felt oh so good. A moment later, he pushed another thick finger inside, and the momentary pain quickly faded as Raleigh forced himself to relax.

  “That’s it. Relax for me, Leigh. Open up. Let me come inside.”

  The tear of the foil was unmistakable and then that big cock was pushing forward, wanting in. It burned, it ached, it hurt, but he loved every moment. His body flushed in mind-tingling pleasure all over, and he was on the verge of losing control. He reached down to grab his own cock, but Gus pushed his hand away.

  Cool lube dribbled on his shaft. “I’ll bring you pleasure,” he said in heavily aroused voice. “Jesus, you’re tight. You’re squeezing my dick so hard.”

  He moved slowly, withdrawing only to plunge back in, taking a moment between each thrust to let them both really feel the bliss of being joined. Little by little, Gus increased the tempo until he had a smooth motion going. Raleigh’s fingers gripped the blanket beneath him tightly, urging him on with little rapturous mewls.

  Their bodies were tight against each other, but Gus was able to pump Raleigh’s cock up and down, in time with his thrusting hips.

  “I’m going to come,” Gus gasped in his ear. “Oh shit!”

  “Yes!” he moaned back, his hips undulating wildly under him. With the feel of Gus’s cock swelling and exploding into the latex barrier, Raleigh finally let his own orgasm go.

  They lay in bed the rest of the picnic, and somewhere along the way, Raleigh fell in love. But all his romantic fantasies dried up at the end of the day, when they were both dressing to return to the park to watch the fireworks.

  “We can’t tell anybody,” Gus said as they hugged by the door.

  Perplexed, Raleigh looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

  “This is a small town where the churches outnumber the people. No one is ever going to accept a gay couple, let alone one between a white guy and a black guy.”

  “I don’t care what other people think. I want to be with you, Gus.”

  Gus nodded. “We will. Just, we got to keep it secret for now. Your business is the local market, as is mine. We’d go belly-up in a month.”

  “Are you ashamed to be with me?”

  “No. I’m just… cautious.”

  So Raleigh had let Gus’s fear over ride any type of commitment, and now, a year later, he was wondering if caving to the fear was really worth it.

  Chapter Four

  The alarm clock went off and Gus groaned, rolling over to hit the off button. He rubbed a weary hand over his face and glanced out the window, where the morning streaks of dawn should have been, only grey clouds rested. Great, just what he needed, a slow day. He’d slept like shit last night, dreaming about last year’s Memorial Day picnic, and now his cock was standing up like a flag pole. If he had Raleigh here, he’d be able to get those amazing lips wrapped around his dick for some morning loving. Instead, he was going to have to jack off in the shower while imagining Raleigh’s tight ass.

  He sighed. Who was he trying to kid? After last night, he doubted Raleigh would talk to him again. He threw back the covers and rose to head to the bathroom. As he stood under the hot water, he wondered what was wrong with him that he couldn’t just man up and claim Raleigh like he wanted to. Of course, he wanted them to be together. Raleigh was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He’d spent his high school football career pretending h
e had a girlfriend away at college, and once he’d graduated, his pop had turned over the store before bolting to Florida to retire. Why did every old person flee to Florida? They had hurricanes and alligators.

  His morning jerk off in the shower was less than thrilling and mostly about easing the pressure in his balls. As he dried and dressed, he kept seeing Raleigh’s angry face as he stormed away, and he couldn’t help but think something had changed last night.

  What if Raleigh ended it between them? Could he watch Raleigh live his life and not be a part of it, even if what they had existed mainly in the secret shadows? Not really, no. Raleigh was like… a revelation. He’d been the one to open up a world of loving and acceptance. Before they’d become lovers, he’d had trouble existing in his own skin. Not even his pop knew he was gay.

  The morning was nothing but rain, and he was busy selling rain gear. The afternoon was slow, and he spent the hours fixing the painting section, making sure all the cans were even on the shelf. Then he dusted, restocked, and rearranged, and still Raleigh lingered in his mind.

  Gus realized he was scared. He was scared he wouldn’t have the opportunity to have Raleigh in his arms again. That he wouldn’t kiss Raleigh’s lips or touch his heavenly body. It slowly dawned on him that Raleigh always told him he loved him, but never once had he uttered the words back.

  He couldn’t.

  If he said he loved Raleigh, then what’s the next step? Raleigh wanted to be out and proud, but Gus… yes, he was scared. He was afraid of all the repercussions that would happen if their small country town knew they had a gay couple in their midst.

  The front door opened and Berryl walked in. He blinked, wondering if he suddenly imagined the older woman, but no, there she stood, head cocked as she stared at him. “Afternoon, Mrs. Hewes,” he greeted. “Is everything all right?”

  “Why wouldn’t everything be all right?”

  “Is Raleigh with you?”

  “No.”

  “Okay,” he said, more confused than ever because Berryl Hewes didn’t drive. In fact, she didn’t even have a driver’s license. Everyone knew every body’s business in a small town. “How’d you get here?”